My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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