People in love make me want to vomit
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
