you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
