singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
