I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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