You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize