Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
