proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
