can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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