This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
