Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
