perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
