your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
