You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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