I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
