I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
