I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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