just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
