i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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