Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
