pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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