I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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