Where is the hickey?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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