Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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