I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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