Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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