Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
