i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
