thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
