Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
