Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
