1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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