then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I faked an abortion last night.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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