I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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