new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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