How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
