feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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