We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
