I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
