I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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