Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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