I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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