Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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