It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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