on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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