just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
