Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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