I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
