his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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