my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
