Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
