I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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