There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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