Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
