Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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