WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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