he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
