you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize