I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
