My nipple is on Facebook.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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