He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
