Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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