he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize