Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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