kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
