she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
