I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
