He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize