one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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