what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
