singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
