I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
