youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just want to make out with him forever
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize