i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Green mimosas i think yes
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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