You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
