he thought i was a dude.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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