Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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