AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
