I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
