Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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