I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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