I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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