That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
