i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
