This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize