I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
