Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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