He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
