i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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