they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
