I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
