Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
