Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
