you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
