when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
