me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
