I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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