I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
