I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Enjoy the penises
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
