Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
