hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Don't EVER smell your tampon
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
