I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my being single is dangerous.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize