This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
