i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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