Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
